How to write your own Wedding Vows!

karolina hews
Feb 23
3 min read

As a celebrant who has heard so many personally written vows, I can honestly say I have never heard a bad one. Not once.

Because when vows are truly your own, they can’t be wrong. They’re personal. They’re real. And that’s exactly how they should be.

If you’re on the fence and unsure whether to write your own vows, I almost always encourage couples to give it a go. It often becomes one of the most powerful and memorable moments of the entire ceremony.

But, and this is important, not if it feels like it’s going to cause major stress or take away from the joy of your wedding day.

Remember this is your day, and you get to choose!!

Here are some tips to get you started:

1. Just start! The hardest part is putting pen to paper, so don’t leave it until the last minute. Jot down anything that comes to mind. Stories, promises, words you love and tidy it up later.

3. Choose your style together Romantic, funny, short and sweet… agreeing on a vibe helps your vows feel connected.

4. Mix stories and promises You can start with a memory and lead into your promises.

5. Add personal touches but keep it PG-ish. Inside jokes are great, just remember Nanna will be listening. Include the fun stuff, just skip the boobs and fart references. Focus on the promises, the quirks you love, and the little moments that mean the most.

6. Edit for impact After your first draft, read it back and keep the lines that make you smile, laugh, or well up with happy tears.

7. Try to match the length, aim for roughly the same length so one doesn’t feel much longer than the other. But again, it's also totally ok if they are not the same length!

Around 2–3 minutes, or 200–300 words, is the sweet spot.

8. Save extra words for another moment If you’ve got more to say, save it for a first look, your reception, or a quiet moment together after the ceremony

Bottom line: Your vows don’t have to be perfect, poetic or dramatic!

They just have to sound like you. Speak from the heart, keep it real, and you’ll have something unforgettable.

Different Types of Wedding Vows (Yes, There’s More Than One Way!)

Not all vows look the same, and they definitely don’t have to.

Over the years, I’ve seen different styles, and the magic is always in choosing what suits your relationship best. Apart from the traditional “you each write your own vows,” here are a few fun options you might not have considered:

Ninja Vows (Writing Each Other’s Vows)

If you are after something different and fun this is for you! You secretly write your partner’s vows, and they write yours.

You don’t see them beforehand. You don’t edit them. You simply show up on the day and read what your partner has written for you.

Why couples love them:

They’re hilarious and heartfelt
They show how well you truly know each other
They often balance humour and sincerity beautifully
They take pressure off “writing about yourself”

They can be incredibly emotional… and incredibly funny.

(And yes, I always suggest keeping them kind, this is not roast time.)

Guided or Crowd Vows.

This is when the guests make a promise to the couple.

I as the celebrant will ask the guests things like.

Do you promise to: Cheer them on. Babysit when needed. Show up for milestones. Gently remind them of today when they forget how cute they are together. And last but certainly not least, celebrate them properly and party hard with them tonight?

If so, please say, “We promise!”

And the guests will shout: WE PROMISE!

Why couples love them: